It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
