Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize