i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
