i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
