I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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