final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
