Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
