R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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