my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
