i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
