All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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