do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
