the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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