last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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