Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
