You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
