I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
