i think i have two assholes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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