There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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