do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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