hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
wow bdsm is so cute
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
