Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
