So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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