what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
