i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
