You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
