My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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