Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ladies don't puke and tell
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
