When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
