You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
