So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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