my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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