You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
ttyl tear gas
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ladies don't puke and tell
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
