do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
