shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
