Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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