He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
