Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
