i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
