i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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