you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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