i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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