tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize