Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
