is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
