Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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