a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we should paint friendship bongs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
