I think I died a long time ago.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
