If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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