just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
