I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
