it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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