so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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