They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
