moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm both gender and math confused
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize