she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
