last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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