How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
