omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
