I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
