I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
accomplished twins. life is a go
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
