I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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