you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
