Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
