Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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