you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
