I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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