I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
