i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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