I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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