How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Girls should come with a carfax report
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
