I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize