I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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