New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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