Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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