Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
