Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
