I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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