Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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