I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
