Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
