One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just puked most of my soul out..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
