I don't remember. Are we still dating?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
