No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
