all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
