is your mom at the bar?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
