apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
