I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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