How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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