That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
