Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
