At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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