You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
