i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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