When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize