remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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