yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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