my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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