Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
