We named our party play list daddy issues
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
