i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
