hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
